ADHD - my miracle
I wanted to update you on a new miracle I was gifted through a difficult situation my family faced.
Those of you who know me, know we had to say good-bye to our cat, Jasper, two weeks ago. And anyone who has a pet knows how difficult it is to let go. But what made this situation even harder for me was watching my son suffer so deeply.
For those of you who don't know me, I will give you a quick backstory of my son. Jordan is 17, creative, EXTREMELY sensitive, an old soul with high morals, loving and funny....who also happens to have ADHD and auditory processing challenges.
Life has always been challenging - for him and for us. Academically and at times socially. Although I am a special education teacher and spiritual mindset coach, our children come with no instruction manual and each stage of his life has brought about new challenges for us. I used to look at other families and think, "Why can't our life be that simple, fun, easy?" Throughout his 17 years of life we've moved through counseling sessions, IEP meetings, modifications, medication ...change in medication...and tweaking of medication. And now honoring his choice to be without medication.
And through it all I would tell my son, "You have a gift, Jordan. God has a plan for you, Jordan- you just don't know what it is yet, but you will when the time is right." In my soul I believed it, but my Earthly body didn't always feel it. My body and mind would tire and I would question my beliefs.
In the middle of all this learning and adjustment came Jasper. I originally bought Jasper to be my cat, but we quickly saw that was not meant to be. He was meant for Jordan and Jordan was meant for him. He had the most calming, soothing energy of any animal I've ever known and he was the Yin to Jordan's Yang.
Jordan would sit for hours with Jasper. He would self-sooth and find peace while they were together.
Jasper was the gate to opening my true understanding of ADHD. My perception is forever changed.....
During the last two days of Jasper's life he was despondent and laid around the house flopping himself on the bed or floor. On those very exact days my never sick son - Jordan - also couldn't get out of bed. He had no fever. He had no cold. He couldn't even explain to me what was wrong. He just said he felt 'ick' and couldn't stop sleeping. On the second day home I actually got mad at him and told him he had to go to school...there was no reason for him to stay home! But it didn't matter what I said...he couldn't get out of bed.
On the third day Jordan finally made it to school - and that evening is when we took Jasper to the vet to say our last good-byes. I was worried he was in pain and asked the vet if he was hurting. The vet responded, "No, he is not in pain yet, but he would be soon. Right now he just feels 'ick' and can't do anything more than sleep." I was STUNNED by his description and choice of words. He had just described my son's last two days of health- mirroring Jasper's. I could not stop thinking about what happened.
After losing Jasper, Jordan said to me, "Mom, I won't be ok for a while. I may not be the same person. Please give me time and understand." My heart broke for him, but something more than pain entered my heart. It was the miracle of perception and understanding.
Although I had told Jordan his whole life that his label of ADHD was so much more than an acronym, it was actually a gift....I never truly understood my words. I had a belief before I had an understanding or knowledge. I had the belief that God doesn't make mistakes. He makes masterpieces.
You see, through the loss of Jasper I finally gained the knowledge to match my belief.
Jordan's ADHD is the gift of hyper-sensitivity to everyone and everything around him. He has ALWAYS been a sensitive child and now is an equally sensitive young man. His ADHD is a label he has received here to help support and guide him through IEPs, modifications and support-and I'm grateful for that. But that doesn't define him. What does define him is the fact that he is so open to everyone and everything around him that he doesn't know how to slow it down or filter it out. As a young child he would melt-down, fall apart, cry and have tantrums. He had no idea how to process so much coming in at once. And as a young man he feels so much more than his friends. He takes on their emotions and hardships as if they were his own. At times he perseverates and has a difficult time letting go. And now I understand!
I see his ADHD for what it is - his gift, not his label. And I see how he can learn to not only 'live' with it, but thrive through it and share it with others.
This was nothing I could have foreseen through the 'challenges' we've faced together. Through the tears I cried. The counseling sessions I attended. The sleepless nights, worry and praying. I now realize I was asking for the wrong answer through my prayers. I was praying for him....when really I needed to be praying for me - for clarity, perception and understanding.
He's been fine all along. 💗
It's been my soul that needed to catch up to him. His ADHD is his gift.
My shift in perception. My enlightenment to the knowledge I always possessed.
This is my miracle.